Social Filter = Off

[ragani]

You know when someone does something rude or inconsiderate in public, and you really want to say something, but your social filter prevents you because it is not socially acceptable? Sure, we will say many a derisive thing in our cars at that guy who just cut us off, but you will probably never face him in person, so your filter is on low, or even off.

How about when you see someone do something very minor, and probably not even meant with malice at all, but you really want to point it out to them?

I was walking to my favorite cafe to get my morning coffee when this older, obviously well-off woman runs around me right before I get there, and runs into the cafe and gets in line to order. I came-up right behind her, and the phrase that popped into my head was: So you did just rush past me to get in front of me in line?

I only hesitated a second before deciding to say it anyway.
No, really, I did.

She was startled to say the least, and a little flustered, saying something about how she sometimes just likes to run. She then asked if I would like to go in front of her if I was in a hurry. Well since the line was indeed long enough that it was going take a while, I pointed out that I was on my coffee break, so it would be helpful. She confessed to being retired, and not in a hurry at all, and stepped back to let me in front of her.

OK, that is it, really. Nothing else really came of it. We stood in slightly awkward silence waiting for our turns to order. I got a mocha, to go, and she ordered eggs and coffee to eat there, and obviously was a regular. The only other thing that happened, which had little to do with the first interaction, was that she was distracted when her change was being handed back, so I took it and handed it to her.

Why am I posting about this? Well, I feel a bit triumphant that I actually said what I wanted to say and did not let my social filter stop me, and yet it did not turn into an ugly scene. Usually I only go that far when I am truly angry, and I was not particularly angry this time, just a little miffed.

Do any of you have incidents where you did say or wish you had said what was on your mind to a stranger in public?

Edit: And how did you feel about it if you did (or didn't) say what you wanted?

Comments

[tshuma]

How about to your roommate in your own home, which is only "public" because he has a date with him whom you've only met briefly once?

The short form: Yes.

[zhaneel69.livejournal.com]

This weekend, a man who I do not care for very much given the way he has treated his [soon to be ex]-wife and child came up and engaged me in coversation. He was obviously trying for the pity card and being able to tell "his" side of the story. I wasn't interested in hearing it and there was a particular remark he made about how envious he was that I got to spend time with his son [intimating that he'd been out of state when the most recent occurance was a direct result of him not being able to handle a full day with his son so I volunteered for the next weekend].

I bristled and wanted to point out such to him. But I didn't. I didn't know how to be mean. I stood there, made idle conversation about what a joy the boy is, and then retreated at the first opportunity.

I railed at many friends throughout the rest of the day. It bothered me greatly that I have so much vitrol for this man and yet stood and smiled and chatted.

FanBoy offered me the following out, knowing how much I dislike being mean: I'm sorry, [name], but my husband has requested that I not speak with you.

Cop out? Sure. But it is something I can say to get rid of the man.

Zhaneel

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

I did this just yesterday at the post office. I was standing there waiting to mail 3 packages and this guy just steps in front of me. "What?" I thought, "did I leave too much space between me and the guy in front of me for you to get that I was part of the line?" So I gently touched his shoulder and said "The line actually ends there." And pointed to the guy who was behind me already and hadn't said anything. The rude man looked startled. Then he oblidgingly went back behind me and the other guy to the end of the line. Which was a good thing because there was one teller moving very slowly and it would have taken me longer than the 1/2 hour it did take if I hadn't said something

[japlady.livejournal.com]

Can you HONESTLY think of me keeping my opinions to myself?

[veryloki.livejournal.com]

This is a good subject! I too have an inner filter, but over the past couple of years it has morphed so that it now translates my response in such situations into more diplomatic language, rather than squelching it entirely.

For example, when someone tries to cut in line (as happened on Saturday), I now point out to them where the end of the line is, rather than accusing them of cutting, even if I believe they are perfectly aware of where the end of the line is.

Of course, some people refuse to take a hint, and they may need be dealt with in a more blunt manner. Whether this is worth the risk of an ugly confrontation depends on the situation...

[lysana.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. Back at the SF Zoo a few weeks ago, there were two men who were getting into a shouting match over some perceived slight against the child of one of them by the other. They were about three people away from me, and it was becoming ugly. I drew on my acting training and projected over the muttering and snarking, "Both of you, please, shut up!" They did long enough for their wives to be able to gain proper control of the situation (and please, nobody make any gender-based cracks about this, or I'll drop my social filter in this LJ).

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

Hrm, I tend to go ahead and speak, but try to be cheerful?

I'm willing to be downright assertive about some things, and let others slide entirely...

I'm also a lot more likely to be assertive if a friend is with me and fretting about it.

--Ember--