Friends don't let friends...

[ragani]

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade With China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

I am feeling rather cynical today and this suited mood.
Sent to me from my friend msvwrose.

Comments

[terpsichoros.livejournal.com]

The counterpoint to this (I received *both* lists in an email about two weeks ago):

To be a good Democrat:

1) You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2) You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3) You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U. S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4) You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5) You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6) You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7) You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8) You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9) You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10) You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11) You have to believe corrupt politicians start wars that somehow could have been prevented by more negotiations with the French, a country that has never fought nor won it's own war.

12) You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13) You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14) You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15) You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set asides are not.

16) You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17) You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18) You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19) You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20) You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21) You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

equal opportunity political humor

[ragani.livejournal.com]

My friend who sent me the first list was so amused by seeing the lists together that she sent them both out in one e-mail to all her friends titled Democrats vs Republicans. She ended the message with:

Hope all of my friends, of all political affiliations find some humor in these lists.

I did!

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Having read both your list and anthony's, I am saddened by what passes for political humor nowadays.

there's so much anger, so much hate, so much stereotyping. (I know, it's/they are a humor piece, bla bla bla)

Here's my list of one:

In order to be either a Republican or a Democratic jokester, you have to be able to see only the worst the other party has to offer and to write about it with highest attention to insult, stigma, and stereotype and with zero attempt to think about the humanity of the targets or the validity of the arguments.

No offense meant. This exchange just... cheapens my ideal of the spirit of political intercourse, or rather of what it could be if people stopped having calcified opinions.

*sigh*

none taken

[ragani.livejournal.com]

Actually, I do agree with you. I happen to be in a really cynical mood right now, especially about politics, and the current administration. Seeing as the list I posted came from a friend who used to be a navy wife (and the navy husband was in the Gulf War) it is hardly from one of my most left-wing friends. If I had the time and energy to respond to Anthony's list point by point it would be to demonstrate how much of it does not apply to me (which would have been a much more constructive response from him to my post).

Re: none taken

[terpsichoros.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I could respond point-by-point to the list you posted, but why bother? Nobody would read the entire thing, and nobody's mind would be changed by it. Instead, I thought it would be more appropriate to post the missing half of the email that's being circulated, for balance.

While I am a Republican, and am still planning to vote for Bush (rather than against Kerry), I recognize that the Republicans are flawed and that there are some pretty ridiculous things about what the Bush administration and/or the Republican Congress has done. What I don't see, at least here in the Bay Area, is any recognition that the Democrats are at least equally as ridiculous; nor how alienating the politics of personalized vitriolic hatred directed at Bush is to anyone who isn't already convinced that he's the AntiChrist.

I'm actually pretty libertarian, and fairly socially liberal, but the stifling orthodoxy of the Left here in the Bay Area almost makes me regret voting against Prop 22 (the State DOMA) or the old Gann anti-AIDS-patient initiative. I did vote for Tom McClintock for governor, knowing full well just how anti-abortion he is, because I don't care enough about that to let it affect my vote.

Re: none taken

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

yes. I would reply point-by-point to each, both yours and his (cos I don't agree with all the points about Republicans either) but I just find it too depressing.

Folk in the military are getting cynical, prolly cos there's no end in sight for all this Iraq war stuff, and GW doesn't treat the military with real respect - the cutting of the pensions while saying "our brave and noble soldiers" etc - taking with one hand what you're giving with the other. (sigh)

I was a bit cynical about Clinton, too, but I agree with the bumper sticker, "Nobody died when Clinton lied." It's an entirely different kind of ball-game.

Re: none taken

[ragani.livejournal.com]

GW doesn't treat the military with real respect

This is one of the things that really makes me sad. My grandfather, a former Secretary of Defense, found the most difficult part of the job was putting all those soldiers lives at risk, even when he felt it was necessary for a military action. It was one of the big reasons he decided that no one should have to do that job for more than 4 years.

I was a bit cynical about Clinton, too, but I agree with the bumper sticker, "Nobody died when Clinton lied." It's an entirely different kind of ball-game.
Yes, this rings true for me as well.

Also, see Rose's comments, as she was the one who sent this to me, and had some interesting points.

Just Goes to Show

[msvwrose.livejournal.com]

Although a registered Democrat there is some thought to changing that to Independent and voting for the person that we think is the best qualified rather then a party. Both lists definitely show a tendency for contridications and also shows the flaw in a 2 party system. Many voters feel that this is the way that it will be for a long time to come and I used to vote strictly on party line. This election is once again about the lesser of 2 evils. So looking at both lists, I laughed. I tend toward a moderate political leaning with some liberal tendancies. But for the most part I am a moderate which means I vote in either party. I vote for the candidate that makes the most sense.

Re: Just Goes to Show

[ragani.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Rose. Glad you got laughs from both, and your comments help support my point that this list did not come from some rabid liberal source (and out here in Northern CA, I know plenty). Since before I came of voting age I have been reluctant to register with one party (despite my family connections), and tend to abhor the 2 party system for many reasons.