general rant: making a commitment
Feb. 7th, 2005 02:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raganiTo: anyone who makes plans with me
From: the one who is tired of doing all the planning, and getting no respect for it
RE: keeping commitments
If you make plans with me (and probably with anyone else, really), to simplify both our lives, please keep these things in mind:
• Before you make a commitment to a specific date, check your schedule to make sure you are not double booking by saying yes
• If you are unsure if you are busy or not, do not make a commitment until you are sure you can fulfill said commitment
• If you do make a commitment, and your plans change, inform the organizer of said plans as soon as you can so she can accommodate for the change
• Don't be afraid to say upfront if you are not sure you can commit to said plans so the organizer knows not to accommodate you until you are are ready to commit - personally, I would much rather hear a tentative "maybe" then a solid "yes" which really should have been a maybe - although, feel free to express an interest in staying informed of plans so you can decide one way or another at a later date
• Also, don't be afraid to say no - I can respect that you may not want to participate in plans, and, if I might ask why, it is only because I am trying to see if there is something that can be done to make it work for you (and face it, if I am disappointed, that is my own issue - be flattered I am disappointed you can't make it, and leave it at that as I will get over it)
• If you suggest a date for said event and that date is chosen, please remember that you made that suggestion, and plans were made to accommodate your needs, so make an effort to attend (remembering the points above about communicating any changes)
I realize not everyone feels the same way about needing to plan, but I wish people would please respect that planning in advance helps me to prepare, which helps my sanity tremendously, and will make for a much happier person at said event. I admit that when events don't go exactly as planned I am disappointed. But I find I am the most frustrated when I feel that I have been held back from planning to my comfort level, or left to do it all alone and left hanging by those that assure me things will be fine if I just stop "forcing them" to actually think in detail about anything.
A well run event does take some forethought, and people make careers of planning events for other people so they don't have to think about the details. In case my friends didn't know, I am not, nor do I desire to be, an event planner for a living. If you ask me to plan an event for you, expect me to want lots of help. This help could be in giving me information, bringing supplies, making food, or even (in fact especially) clean-up. I have actually helped a friend plan a party for his birthday and ended up feeling like we (myself, my boyfriend and roommate) were "hired" help, instead of guests at the party, while most his other guests (including the person who's house we were) slept in the middle of the party. I am a generous person, by nature, but really hate it when people take advantage of my generosity.
It is only February, and I am already done with planning events this year. I am not sure I will be up for planning any of my standard parties. I have one small one scheduled for later this month for a close friend, but beyond that, I just don't see myself wanting to do the work. Even that one is taking its toll, in that I have very few RSVPs yet, and it is a multi stage party that involves making reservations at several places.
Oh, and in case this point has been lost on people (and it seems to have been for some) I cannot read minds. No matter how close we are, and yes, I might see you everyday, if I am not told something, I cannot possibly be expected to know it already. Let me repeat that: If I am not told something, I cannot possibly be expected to know it already.
OK, I will stop now as I have work to do. A place in which I wish I was better at planning, as does my boss, believe it or not.
From: the one who is tired of doing all the planning, and getting no respect for it
RE: keeping commitments
If you make plans with me (and probably with anyone else, really), to simplify both our lives, please keep these things in mind:
• Before you make a commitment to a specific date, check your schedule to make sure you are not double booking by saying yes
• If you are unsure if you are busy or not, do not make a commitment until you are sure you can fulfill said commitment
• If you do make a commitment, and your plans change, inform the organizer of said plans as soon as you can so she can accommodate for the change
• Don't be afraid to say upfront if you are not sure you can commit to said plans so the organizer knows not to accommodate you until you are are ready to commit - personally, I would much rather hear a tentative "maybe" then a solid "yes" which really should have been a maybe - although, feel free to express an interest in staying informed of plans so you can decide one way or another at a later date
• Also, don't be afraid to say no - I can respect that you may not want to participate in plans, and, if I might ask why, it is only because I am trying to see if there is something that can be done to make it work for you (and face it, if I am disappointed, that is my own issue - be flattered I am disappointed you can't make it, and leave it at that as I will get over it)
• If you suggest a date for said event and that date is chosen, please remember that you made that suggestion, and plans were made to accommodate your needs, so make an effort to attend (remembering the points above about communicating any changes)
I realize not everyone feels the same way about needing to plan, but I wish people would please respect that planning in advance helps me to prepare, which helps my sanity tremendously, and will make for a much happier person at said event. I admit that when events don't go exactly as planned I am disappointed. But I find I am the most frustrated when I feel that I have been held back from planning to my comfort level, or left to do it all alone and left hanging by those that assure me things will be fine if I just stop "forcing them" to actually think in detail about anything.
A well run event does take some forethought, and people make careers of planning events for other people so they don't have to think about the details. In case my friends didn't know, I am not, nor do I desire to be, an event planner for a living. If you ask me to plan an event for you, expect me to want lots of help. This help could be in giving me information, bringing supplies, making food, or even (in fact especially) clean-up. I have actually helped a friend plan a party for his birthday and ended up feeling like we (myself, my boyfriend and roommate) were "hired" help, instead of guests at the party, while most his other guests (including the person who's house we were) slept in the middle of the party. I am a generous person, by nature, but really hate it when people take advantage of my generosity.
It is only February, and I am already done with planning events this year. I am not sure I will be up for planning any of my standard parties. I have one small one scheduled for later this month for a close friend, but beyond that, I just don't see myself wanting to do the work. Even that one is taking its toll, in that I have very few RSVPs yet, and it is a multi stage party that involves making reservations at several places.
Oh, and in case this point has been lost on people (and it seems to have been for some) I cannot read minds. No matter how close we are, and yes, I might see you everyday, if I am not told something, I cannot possibly be expected to know it already. Let me repeat that: If I am not told something, I cannot possibly be expected to know it already.
OK, I will stop now as I have work to do. A place in which I wish I was better at planning, as does my boss, believe it or not.
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-08 01:02 am (UTC)I understand to a great extent. Maybe Taurus just like plans?
FanBoy & I drove each other bonkers for early parts of our relationships. The example of choice:
We went to an event. I assumed [bad me] that because he had arragned a way to get to the event, he has also arranged a way to get home. About 2 hours into a 3 hour event, I ask what the plan is. He shrugs, says he doesn't know, but figures we'll catch a ride with someone. I nearly lost it, having done the math on how many people going our way had already left and how few people were still here and we were "hoping" to get a ride!?!?!?! It all worked out, as he likes to point out, but it caused me unnecessary stress. So, I've learned to be a little more flexible and he's learned to plan or accomodate plans more.
Planning large events is a lot of effort and energy. I don't do it often, and I try to follow the above rules that you have when participating in an event someone else has planned. When I do plan, I feel much the same way about people participating. After being burned, I learned to just plan what I wanted [never for others, unless I wanted to plan for others] and try to understand that some people don't get what planning means to me if/when they screw up. Doesn't always work, but sometimes does.
May not be the best time to ask but:
You & I [and the boys] haven't spent time together recently. I would love to, and I think the whether is getting to the point again where a day trip to Napa/Sonoma might be fun. I think Feb is crapped out, but maybe a March/April trip could be fun? E-mail if interested, and you & I can plan our trip in all the planning goodness two Tauruses can.
Zhaneel