V-day pointers for guys

[ragani]

My friend, ismirth, has been working on a series of advice posts for guys. Her latest entry is a timely post of what guys should know about Valentines day.

She would love some feedback, from both guys and gals.

So, I am curious...
Do you think she is representing woman accurately?
If you are a guy, was this helpful?

Comments

Meh.

[tshuma]

She's not representing this woman accurately. I don't do St. Valentine's Day.

Similarly to how I feel about Christmas, and expected gift-giving holidays (with the exception of birthdays, the recognition of which I whole-heartedly approve), I dislike Valentines. I dislike the build-up, the expectations, the insanity of all this being put on a single day at the behest of greeting card companies, chocalatiers, and florists everywhere.

Pretty much the only reason I approve of it at all is the boost it gives the economy, which wouldn't need it so badly if we didn't as a nation overspend at Christmas and then pinch pennies through January.

This is spurring me into full diatribe mode, so I'll stop and just vent in my own journal about it. But no, I don't feel she is representing women completely.

On the other hand, if you take the importance of the calendar out of it, a lot of what she says about what to give and when, and what to say, etc., make sense to apply to one's dates out anyway.

[zhaneel69.livejournal.com]

Meh. It's okay. Some good basics, but she over generalized what women want and left out some important points about tailoring to the girl & relationship. I left comments.

Zhaneel

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

I tried to read it with my sister in mind instead of me because I don't assume I'm normal outside of my own social crowd.

It's true, in my social crowds, a well chosen book is a perfectly reasonable gift.

I agree with her assertion that le... I can't spell cutelittleundergownsinfrench are for HIM more than her, but I have to say that a trip to Good Vibrations isn't a bad valentine's gift in my world ;)

--Ember--

[zhaneel69.livejournal.com]

Mmm... good vibes. That would be great. I give gift certificates to there as wedding gifts [to friends that I know could handle the idea, not to certain prudes].

That's just it though: The guys who would read that post and benefit are probably dating the girls like us. Or at least wanting to.

Zhaneel

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

I did say that my boy of 4+ years should know by now that I don't much care about VDay, and that he can talk to me about my expectations for ANYTHING without spoiling it for me at all.

I've also sent the article to my sister for her oppinion.

--Ember--

[zhaneel69.livejournal.com]

Yah, saw that. My boy of 4.5 years [2 married] also knows how to have a frank conversation about it. And my ex [2 year relationship, year 1.1] knew enough to say that he just didn't do V-day in a traditional sense, so we compromised at a movie and video games.

I'd send it my sister if I thought she'd read it. I also posetd a link with my thoughts in my main journal, as there are a couple of guys I know who *might* benefit.

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

Um, my sister is cool people, so I asked and she said she'd read it.

We just have very different ideas about what is right in a relationship.

--Ember--

[rhylar.livejournal.com]

not entirely sure how useful it is, but it is at least potentially useful. It seems like V-day is either a) very important, or b) completely unimportant, and which one it is depends on who you are dating.

The comment about making reservations by Feb 1, is a good point. My problem is that my reaction to stress is to procrastinate, and compounded by my tendency to lose track of weeks at a time. So, failing to make reservations by 2/1 will likely result in me completely spacing out, and having no reservations at all.

One other comment:
Re - showering right before date. Good, and yet, long haired guy. I rue the time it takes my hair to dry.

long hair...

[ismirth.livejournal.com]

I think you make a good point:) If it were washed that morning, and still smelled good, maybe you could shower without washing it:) But is more weird for a guy to say to someone 'could you smell my hair and tell me if I need to wash it for my date tonight?" heh. that even makes me laugh to think of it:) But I can say that for /me/ I would prefer wet/clean hair to even mildly dirt/yet dry hair. I can't fathom how other women would decide:)

In the event of totally spacing out, you can prepare (or have someone prepare for you) food in advance and just reheat it for a nice private dinner at your place. That way she doesn't have to sit around and wait for the food to be ready. Honestly though, if you haven't made res before Feb 1st, odds are you aren't going to be able to get one, at least not at a really good place. :)

Re: long hair...

[rhylar.livejournal.com]

Oh, believe me, I will be washing the hair. I just wish I had a good answer to how to dry it. blow dryers tend to annoy it, so usually I just give it a good long brushing, and that works. It just eats up time, and since I don't get home from work until 7pm anyway (stupid 90min commute), that's a serious consideration. (Of course, if V-day is on a weekend, things are easier.)

[ragani.livejournal.com]

Seeing as abditus and I first started dating after Feb 1, but before the 14th, we knew making reservations was right out. Instead, since he was out of work, he made me dinner, and started the tradition of him making French Onion soup each year. I only got him flowers, but, in addition to making me a lovely dinner, he ended up getting me a geek t-shirt and a card. I was very touched as I was not expecting him to get me a gift, let alone such a thoughtful one (he ordered it on-line, so I know he thought about it in advance).

Making dinner, or having someone else make dinner (which could include take-out from a nice restaurant) and serving it at home is still a good option, in my book. Sometimes, dealing with all the mayhem that is V-day out on the town is too much of a hassle anyway, and a nice intimate evening at home is preferred.

As for when to wash your hair, as someone with long hair, I appreciate your concern about how long it takes to dry. Personally, I would take ismirth's rules about grooming as a guideline, and adapt to suit the person (even she admits to me that the rules do not apply the same to all the guys she has dated, including her current one). For me, I don't need to wash my hair every day, however, guys usually do, even if it is long. Pay attention to how greasy it is, and wash it if it looks at all greasy. Also, although it is on your own head, so more difficult to tell, I find that if my hair still smells like the conditioner I used, it is usually clean.

[rhylar.livejournal.com]

Yes, I really need to get back in the habit of cooking meals. It takes up so much time, though, that I find it hard to do.

Dating 2 weeks before V-day? Wow, that makes the usual Vday stress look like nothing.

My hair is non-greasy enough that I can get away without washing it, but it really depends on the climate that day. A stressful day, or a dry snap really messes it up. And a horrible snarly rats nest is also not the most romantic sight to see, even if it's not greasy.

[ragani.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think it was less than two weeks, if I recall correctly, maybe about 9 days.

Cooking is great if you have time, but anyone reasonable is going to understand if her date is juggling work that day also. Like I said, even take out can be cool if presented well.

I know what you mean about the rats nests. Do you use conditioner when you wash? I suspect you probably have fine hair, like I do, and conditioner is a must for me to avoid rats nests. I am not a big fan of "product" but there are some out there designed to keep hair in check. I am also not a fan of hair dryers, and tend to just towel dry my hair. However, I use a special towel that is meant for hair. It is super absorbent, and is less likely to break the strands. I got mine at Bed, Bath & Beyond, although I am sure they are sold elsewhere.

[rhylar.livejournal.com]

fine hair, yes. I use conditioner. Herbal Essence brand, I think. I have to change brands/formulas every few months though.) One flaw with the Herbal Essence brand, especially the fruity flavors is that they attract bees. I had quite the time at a wedding a couple of years back where the local trees were flowering, and all the bees wanted to get the pollen off of my hair.

When the air is not too dry, I'm OK as long as I wash my hair 5+ times a week, and brush regularly. When it gets really dry, I need to spend extra time on the brushing & finger-pick the knots out.

I'll have to get one of those hair towel thingys.