The second agreement - it is your movie
Jan. 7th, 2005 09:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raganiIn continuation with the excerpts from The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, here is the second agreement. This is one we have all heard and maybe even said many times, but I think it bares reminder and examination. I have included some of the text that made the most sense to me.
Don't Take Anything Personally
Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programing they received during [childhood].
If someone gives you an opinion and says, "Hey, you look so fat," don't take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions. That person tried to send poison to you and if you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours.
When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right by giving them your own opinions. In the same way, whatever you feel and do is just a projection of your own agreements. What you say, what you do and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made – and these opinions have nothing to do with me.
You may even tell me, "What you are saying is hurting me." But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I have touched by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way that I can take this personally. Not because I don't believe in you or don't trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes, with your eyes. You create an entire picture or movie in your mind, and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer, you are the main actor or actress. Everyone else is a secondary actor or actress. It is your movie.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programing they received during [childhood].
If someone gives you an opinion and says, "Hey, you look so fat," don't take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions. That person tried to send poison to you and if you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours.
When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right by giving them your own opinions. In the same way, whatever you feel and do is just a projection of your own agreements. What you say, what you do and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made – and these opinions have nothing to do with me.
You may even tell me, "What you are saying is hurting me." But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I have touched by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way that I can take this personally. Not because I don't believe in you or don't trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes, with your eyes. You create an entire picture or movie in your mind, and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer, you are the main actor or actress. Everyone else is a secondary actor or actress. It is your movie.
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Yes, it is about accepting you are not the center of everyone's world
Date: 2005-01-07 07:49 pm (UTC)In addition to the comments and excerpts about the first agreement in my reply to
Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me." During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We thing we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me always me.
Your point of view is something personal to you. It is not one's truth but yours. Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear. If you are not afraid, there is not way you will hate me. If you are not afraid, there is not way you will be jealous or sad.
Whatever people do, feel, think or say, don't take it personally. If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful. Don't take anything personally. Even if someone got a gun a shot you in the head, it was nothing personal. Even at the extreme.
Re: Yes, it is about accepting you are not the center of everyone's world
Date: 2005-01-07 09:46 pm (UTC)It is not something I think I am capable of and from what you are excerpting it is not something I want to try to do.
It is not my fear of not being lovable that would upset me if FanBoy told me he didn't love me. It would be the fact that a man I love and have devoted myself to no longer feels that way for me. I can love myself all I want. I still need/desire love from others. Loving myself doesn't make hurt/pain/anger at not being loved by someone else go away. At least not in my experience.
Zhaneel