Dream fragments
Dec. 11th, 2003 11:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
raganiI don't usually make a point of writing down my dreams, but I wanted to with this one. It was a couple of days ago, so it has mostly faded.
The main thing I remember was that there was a romantic partner of mine (one of the those not-specific dream people) who was very loving to me, and not in the clingy smothering sort of way. He felt like the perfect partner, but I remember feeling a little guilty, like I did not fully deserve his love, even though it was the kind of love I really wanted. He seemed to sense this, but that did not prevent him from loving me, which helped me feel less guilty. Strangely I also remember that I was sitting down with a large bowl of beans that I was washing and sorting in preparation for a meal we were cooking.
How I interpret this: I was seeing my Imago (my perfect dream partner) loving me and realizing a certain amount of my inner fear that deep down I do not deserve to be loved. As for the bean washing, that is something I have done recently while making dinner with my boyfriend. What ties them together is that he often gets very loving towards me when we are cooking together. I enjoy it, but feel a little odd.
I have noticed this behavior in past boyfriends, but it feels less odd with my current boyfriend (more in his nature). Overall, when that has happened with any of them, some of my fears are that I have become the mother, and I am being conditionally loved for making them dinner, which feels misplaced. On the other hand, my cooking is one way I express my love for those I care about, so I should be able to be comfortable with receiving love in return, right?
The main thing I remember was that there was a romantic partner of mine (one of the those not-specific dream people) who was very loving to me, and not in the clingy smothering sort of way. He felt like the perfect partner, but I remember feeling a little guilty, like I did not fully deserve his love, even though it was the kind of love I really wanted. He seemed to sense this, but that did not prevent him from loving me, which helped me feel less guilty. Strangely I also remember that I was sitting down with a large bowl of beans that I was washing and sorting in preparation for a meal we were cooking.
How I interpret this: I was seeing my Imago (my perfect dream partner) loving me and realizing a certain amount of my inner fear that deep down I do not deserve to be loved. As for the bean washing, that is something I have done recently while making dinner with my boyfriend. What ties them together is that he often gets very loving towards me when we are cooking together. I enjoy it, but feel a little odd.
I have noticed this behavior in past boyfriends, but it feels less odd with my current boyfriend (more in his nature). Overall, when that has happened with any of them, some of my fears are that I have become the mother, and I am being conditionally loved for making them dinner, which feels misplaced. On the other hand, my cooking is one way I express my love for those I care about, so I should be able to be comfortable with receiving love in return, right?
