The Four Agreements: #3

[ragani]

Continuing with the next agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements, I bring you the third agreement. Does any of this sound familiar?

Don't Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking – we take it personally – then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.

Comments

[zhaneel69.livejournal.com]

Grr.. just got bit for not making assumptions. Like actually wanting information and trying to get.

Or maybe I was making an assumption. That the past has actual bearing on the present and I assume I should get an update if things change.

Zhaneel

[ragani.livejournal.com]

Sure, it is easy to make assumptions about past stuff and apply it to the present in ways that lead to misunderstandings and drama. He talks about that in the book (which I don't have in front of me right now) and I know that I have done that on many occasions.

Without making assumptions, we are often left wondering what is going on in someone else's mind. Clear communication (a skill that does seem to take some work), including asking questions, is the best method to use to find out what is going on with another. From your description, it looks like someone else is taking it personally that you did not read their mind. Their reaction is probably tied-up with their own expectations and assumptions, which you cannot be held responsible for.

So, ask yourself, "did I do the best I could in the situation as I understood it?" Even if the answer is no, figure out what you could have done different, and remember that for next time (and forgive yourself for not being perfect).